Click and wind.
It was close, but I survived the lunchbox! This week: how to help your kids if they’ve been digitally ditched, suggestions for connecting with your teen by asking them to embrace their inner-Mark Zuckerberg, why your kids may be waiting 24-hours to see pictures they took, and more.
Quick Fix
In Devorah Heitner’s TEDx Talk, she points out that, as adults, we may never be as tech savvy as our kids, but we do have the advantage of experience and wisdom. Thus, when possible, working with our kids to co-create solutions to the problems they face in their digital lives may be the most effective strategy.
These two articles give good ideas (many of them kid-created or endorsed) for how to help kids navigate feeling left out in the digital world.
I asked the kids, “do you think people just shouldn’t share images of events that exclude people,” and they all said, “NO! people have a right to share.” One girl clarified that, “one is OK, two is a bit much, and three or more pics from the same event starts to be obnoxious.”
Exclusion in the Instagram Age: How Can They be Having Such a Great Time Without Me? - Raising Digital Natives
Kids have great insight and come up with creative solutions, especially with a little mentorship from parents, teachers, and other group leaders.
When Group Chats Turn Ugly: Sometimes, You've Just Gotta Get Out
In an ideal world, we’d all have the courage to remove ourselves from toxic situations. The reality is it can be tough to say, “I need to go.”
Fear Not
A few weeks ago, we advised that a way to get your tween/teen talking was to ask them for advice, and now, we have a suggestion for a topic in which they could be the expert: the future of social media. Recently, Mark Zuckerberg created a stir with a Facebook post about where social media may be headed (spoiler: “a new kind of private social platform”).
In summarizing what social media has become, this Wired article points out:
People started to realize that blasting things out to thousands of people isn’t the same as real connection. And sometimes those things they posted, years ago, could and would be used against them.
Beyond our own potential annoyance with the public shouting and shaming that is social media, research points to its negative effects on kids’ mental health too. Yet, kids’ digital connections to their peers are important to their identity, and severely limiting or outright restricting digital connections can have socially isolating effects that come with their own mental health challenges. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t; seems to sum up a lot of parenting, huh?
There’s no way to decrease the complexity of this issue and the solutions you find for your family will be personal. However, it’s worth thinking about your own relationship to social media and asking your kids for their assessment about the pros and cons of existing platforms, how they see it impacting their lives, and where they hope social media is headed.
Public Blast or Private Chat? Social Media Maps a Middle Way | WIRED
Companies like Twitter and Facebook have begun to carve out a space for users that’s more like real life—with more options between shouts and whispers.
Private Messages Are the New (Old) Social Network | WIRED
The sudden fall of Facebook sharing has led to the rise of something else: private messaging.
The above articles point to some of the benefits that messaging apps foster (e.g. intimacy, deeper conversation/understanding, nuance), which other forms of social media may ignore. In light of this, it’s important for parents to take note and better understand the messaging apps that their kids may be using.
4 Secret Messaging Apps Parents Need to Know About | Net Nanny
Some of the many Apps being churned out and launched on a regular basis offer a direct or “secret” option for messaging.
18 Social Media Apps and Sites Kids Are Using Right Now | Common Sense Media
Learn more about the most popular social media apps teens are using.
Tech Detective
In our ongoing look into monitoring, tracking, and parental controls, we’re diving down to the device level this week. We really like this Wall Street Journal synopsis of device-specific controls from Apple, Google and Amazon.
We also appreciate Julie Jargon’s practical advice of talking to your kids early and often about online activity in order to develop trust and competency.
Before you go too crazy turning on controls, proceed with a megabit of caution. Family media experts advise parents to begin with more stringent controls when children first get internet-connected devices, then relax them as kids demonstrate maturity.
Keeping Tabs on Your Kids: The Latest Parental Controls From Apple, Google and Amazon - WSJ
The settings sections of many common devices allow parents to do everything from block explicit content to set a fixed gadget bedtime—all without paying extra or ceding privacy to an outside service.
Common Sense Media gives a comprehensive round-up of controls and monitoring, including device-specific, built-in options and additional apps. This guide is especially helpful because it breaks down the options based on typical needs a family may have (e.g. want to block websites vs. monitor a device).
Parents' Ultimate Guide to Parental Controls
Do you need parental controls? What are the options? Do they really work? Here’s everything you need to know about the wide array of parental control solutions.
Apple’s recent iOS 13 update purportedly gave parents easier and better ways to set controls (most notably, screen-time limits). However, it apparently took kids less than their allotted screen time to figure out a workaround. Nice try, grown-ups!
How Apple's Screen Time is outsmarted by kids, frustrating parents - The Washington Post
Apple’s Screen Time is meant to give customers a way to control their kids’ devices, but intrepid youngsters have exploited bugs and workarounds.
ITK Picks
Did y'all see articles this week about the proposed legislation out of Vermont that would ban cell phones for anyone under 21? Seems a bit ludicrous (even the bill’s sponsor won’t vote for it); however, it reminded me of an article I read recently about a junior high that banned cell phones years ago and the positive effects its had on the students, especially as it relates to their mental health.
This Colorado Middle School Banned Phones 7 Years Ago. | Colorado Public Radio
Teachers at Mountain Middle School in Durango knew they had to do something.
Vermont Bill Would Ban Cell Phones for Anyone Under 21, But Even Its Sponsor 'Wouldn't Vote for It'
Under the bill, violators could get a $1,000 fine, up to a year in prison, or both
Follow Me
User (or parent of user) beware!
Apps to Watch Out For | Common Sense Media
Stay on top of the popular titles teens are already using. Advice from Common Sense Media editors.
Are your kids patient enough to wait 24-hours for a picture? It better be a good one.
How David's Disposable, an app that mimics disposable cameras, hit No. 1 in the App Store.
Millions have downloaded an app that gives you the most inconvenient parts of obsolete technology, but on purpose.
In the (Virtual) Weeds
I’ve been working on some other writing projects recently and those, coupled with my research and writing for ITKparent, have compelled me to think about my daughter’s privacy and her right to shape her digital identity without choking on my digital exhaust.
While I’ve enjoyed the connections that some social media groups have given me, especially where parenting is concerned, I try to remain mindful, as I write about being a parent, that this is my story. My daughter has her own story to tell with stops, starts, twists, and turns. I can’t wait to see how it goes.
Along these lines, and thinking back to last week’s issue where we recommended the occasional social media scrub for teens and adults alike, I enjoyed reading this article to hear what my parenting peers have to say about social media, and more importantly, what their kids think.
ITK Out
It still has nine exposures left! So much potential that most likely will disappoint.
Look what I found while cleaning out a box on one of my bookshelves! It’s got a date stamp of July 2003; I assume that’s the expiration date. What do we think the odds are that a single picture is viable? Check back next week to find out.
Please note: Next week’s ITK will likely have a different look, as we plan to migrate platforms, but don’t worry, it’s still us!
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