Modeling on the Tech Runway
Happy New Year! This week we cover teen identity, finstas, router add-ons, and models. (Note: You’re the model, but don’t worry, this isn’t the swimsuit issue).
Quick Fix
Don’t underestimate the insight of that kid on your couch.
This essay is amazing and insightful; a must read for parents. Teens are complex and thoughtful, just as they are impulsive and impressionable. Don’t make the mistake of generalizing them to the stereotypes of their generation, but rather, be their ally as they search for themselves.
This teen’s description of how her own relationship with social media has changed from when she was a tween to where it is now is an important perspective for parents to read, especially parents with social-media-obsessed tweens.
Perhaps social-media selfies aren’t the fullest representations of ourselves. But we’re trying to create an integrated identity. We’re striving not only to be seen, but to see with our own eyes.
We asked teenagers what adults are missing about technology. This was the best response. - MIT Technology Review
Social media allows young people to explore how they express themselves, says Taylor Fang of Logan, Utah, the winner of our youth essay contest.
While this article is geared toward parents of teens, all parents should read it. Since the pressure on kids and parents about the future, especially as it relates to college, is intense and starts early, it’s important to remember that kids need the freedom to make mistakes and formulate an identity (both digitally and IRL) that is more nuanced, complex, and goofy than what goes on a college application, a job resume, or their rinsta.
It’s not just about college admissions: Teaching kids to live well, even when no one is watching - The Washington Post
When it comes to social media, it’s easy to tell kids to scrub their social media profiles and posts to protect themselves from college admissions trouble. It shouldn’t just be about not getting caught.
Fear Not
Social media incognito: what Mitt Romney and teenagers have in common.
It’s old news (like from the last decade), but let’s talk finsta and rinsta. Rinstas refer to “real” Instagram accounts, and finstas refer to “fake” Instagram accounts. (Although fake social media accounts are not a phenomenon limited to Instagram or teens. Looking at you, Pierre Delecto.)
On the surface, rinsta and finsta seem straightforward, but it gets more complicated. As one teen explains, “It’s just all backward because we call our ‘fake Instagram’ our finsta, but in reality the finsta is a more real representation of who we are.”
Teens’ rinstas are their curated personas, intended for pubic consumption, including family members, general acquaintances, college admission counselors, and possible employers; whereas their finstas are far more intimate and complicated. Their finstas are where they get real. According to most teens, they generally limit access of their finstas to only their closest friends and with access, comes expectations of trust.
The way teens think about and interact with social media platforms is far more complex than I realized.
Vinci says that he keeps an unofficial ranking of social networks in his head. “Facebook is for people who are like, professional contacts. Your main Insta is for people who you know pretty well. Snapchat is for people you know closely and chat with all day, but finsta is for your real closest friends. Only the people you trust. ”
It gives me hope to see that today’s teens are more aware of their digital footprint, especially in terms of social media. However, there are also consequences to this awareness, as the pressure kids face to constantly present the best, most polished versions of themselves is exhausting and can have profound effects on their mental health.
The idea that teens have created a workaround, in the form of the finsta, to find authentic ways of expressing themselves seems inevitable and exemplifies the very essence of what being a teenager is.
Why did these accounts start cropping up? Most teens we spoke to said finsta was a backlash against the overly curated image you’re expected to portray on social media.
The secret Instagram accounts teens use to share their realest, most intimate moments
If you ask anyone under the age of 21 where they post most frequently on Instagram, chances are they’ll tell you it’s to their finsta. Finsta stands for “fake instagram.”
Ultimately, using Finsta is a way for teens to manage their own personal PR campaign. And they are pretty savvy at it. They can control the picture-perfect profile they show on real Instagram while sharing their “this-is-the-real-me” personality on Finsta.
Parents: You follow your teen on Instagram, but do you know about their Finsta?
Teenagers are creating fake Instagram accounts, or Finsta, to hide what they wouldn’t post on their real Instagrams, Rinsta, from parents, employers and more.
Tech Detective
Routers that keep tabs on the rowdy.
In our ongoing series on parental controls and monitoring, this article does a great job of outlining different options for router add-ons that can be used for different purposes (e.g. monitoring, site blocking, screen time limits, etc.). The author outlines the pros, cons, and features of each device.
While router add-ons can add a layer of protection to your home wireless network, it’s important to remember that kids are darn good at finding workarounds, and they have exposure to online content beyond the walls of your home, so it’s imperative to build and model trust, honesty, and open communication with your kids about the wonders and perils of the internet and social media.
Check out last week’s ITK for a more general discussion of monitoring and parental controls and remember that whether, or the extent to which, you monitor or restrict your kids’ digital lives is more about your parenting philosophy and family values than any technological imperative. Thus, we encourage you to continue to think about this issue as it relates to who you are as a parent, who your kids are as individuals, and what you hope to teach and instill in them as they grow.
This Parental Control Device Lets You Set Bedtimes and Homework Times
These easy-to-install parental control devices connect to your router and can protect your kids online. They also come with the best parental control apps so you can edit settings from wherever.
ITK Picks
“Empathy is the app.”
In her TEDx talk, Dr. Heitner posits that, as parents, we’re often focusing on the wrong things when it comes to kids and technology, but by shifting our focus, we can be good digital mentors for our children. Further, our kid’s understanding and use of technology will outpace our own, but we possess the wisdom and experience to teach our kids to be empathetic and principled, which will make them good citizens, in the digital world and IRL.
Empathy is the App | Devorah Heitner, Ph.D. | TEDxNaperville
We worry about our children on the internet. We teach them a long list of dos and don’ts but perhaps we’re often focused on the wrong things. Learn about the importance of teaching empathy and being a good digital mentor.
We love this piece about how lessons from Mister Rogers can be applied to screen media dilemmas facing today’s parents.
Kinzoo | 3 Lessons from Mister Rogers That Still Apply to Screen Time Today
Screen time for kids is a confusing issue, and many parents aren’t sure what to make of it. By taking a page from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, we can learn some valuable lessons about screen media today.
Follow Me
Good resource for some of the popular apps your kids may be using or wanting to use.
Influencers are more than advertisers to tweens.
Tweens/teens interest in social media influencers goes beyond just liking a certain person or thing. It has a lot to do with their age and life stage; they’re trying to create their own identity and are looking for examples beyond their parents and their concrete world.
Why Do We Follow Social Media Influencers? - Parentology
Expert Diana Graber weighs in on the power of social media influencers on young users, and offers advice about how parents can start important discussions.
In the (Virtual) Weeds
The childhood of digital natives is still childhood.
Obviously, technology has changed that way we communicate and interact, and this is most pronounced for our kids’ generation (the digital natives). However, the framework of childhood remains: the intensity of friendships and relationships, the need to push boundaries, the development of autonomy and identity. All these things and more come with struggles and successes – the high highs and low lows of being a kid – an individual without the baggage or wisdom that time and perspective brings.
I try to keep this in mind as I wade through the salacious news stories that make me want to keep my kid inside and off-line. But I also realize that, if I squint, I can see the parallels between my childhood and hers.
Seeing the TikTok video or Instagram posts from a group sleepover to which you weren’t invited may sting a bit more than being prank called by one girl while others laugh in the background, as was the mean girl antics in days of yore, but the hurt is there in either case. The rebellion of virtually sneaking (e.g. hiding apps, using burner phones, or circumventing parental controls) may have different risks, but parallels the sneakiness of saying you’re at a friends house when you’re really at a party.
The chasm that exists between growing up today and growing up in the ‘80s or '90s is vast (just as it was for our parents’ generation and ours), but in recognizing the similarities, we can begin to bridge the gap and relate to our kids from a place of empathy without needing complete understanding.
There’s truth in the “knowledge is power” axiom; researching kids and technology has honed my focus and clarified my concerns. What used to feel like an insurmountable obstacle that would swallow my kid whole the moment she got a phone or her first social media account, now seems intimidating but manageable.
Article after article gives the same advice: keep the lines of communication open, talk to your kid early and often (even if it seems like they’re not listening), stay informed and engaged, be honest, and model responsible use. I realize that in this sense what my daughter needs from me isn’t that different from what I needed from my mom as a kid: reasonable amounts of undivided attention, encouragement to try, permission to fail, and constant unconditional love. We’ve got this. I think.
S.O.S
S.O.S. stands for share on social, right?
Recently, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs that say keeping up with the changing landscape of kids and technology is a full-time job; we hope we can take this onus off your shoulders by making it our job. Help us out by subscribing and sharing with friends and on social (finstas and rinstas included)!